if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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