Me. At least after what I've been through.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
