Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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