did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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