god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
