I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
