So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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