Only a mothe r could love this liver
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
