omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
