I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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