I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
