Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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