Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
