the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize