so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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