What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
