the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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