oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
