Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
