I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
