I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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