New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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