I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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