Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
