I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
