i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
