I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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