You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
organizing the empties. That sober.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
