dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
