Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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