listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
