Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
