i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
