he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
we should paint friendship bongs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
