it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
