i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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