I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
