I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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