it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
