ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
