Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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