he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
