It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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