the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
