Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
