i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
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