Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
