I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
