my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
