i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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