does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
