We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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