Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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