Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
