just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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