good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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