My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
