Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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