So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
