"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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