No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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