Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
