You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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