I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
