my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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