so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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