last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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