While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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