So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
