I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
