He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
