you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
