The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
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don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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