is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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